Dionysus Fails Prom Breathalyzer Test

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Photo credits to Billy Bob Jones

Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

MONTEREY, CA一 Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, failed a breathalyzer test to get into the Ancient Greek-themed PGHS prom Saturday night. “I don’t care that he’s a divine being,” explained Mr. Bell. “We have a zero-tolerance policy.” The Olympian initially protested, then sat outside in the pouring rain, staring dejectedly at his wilting boutonnière. Mr. Haggquist later informed The Eggplant that Dionysus wasn’t even on the list.