Substitute Teacher Seems Normal, Students Suspicious


Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一 This week, befuddled students expressed confusion and uncertainty over a recent substitute teacher. “He just said ‘hello’ when we walked in, took attendance, and assigned us group projects,” said one. “He didn’t smell faintly of Doritos or sport a mullet,” added another. “He didn’t tell us about his time in the war, or speak in rhyme, or wear suspenders,” explained a third. As of yet, leading scientists have failed to come up with an adequate explanation for the anomaly.