Verizon Responds To PTA Concerns, Relocates Cell Tower To Preschool Sandbox


Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

VERIZON HEADQUARTERS, NY一 Only moments ago, Verizon issued an official press release: “Upon hearing the many complaints from the Pacific Grove community, from parents of the school district to students themselves, we hope to alleviate worry by relocating the proposed cell tower to a more desirable location. Verizon is concerned with the safety of your high school students, too. That’s why we’re moving the cell tower to the preschool sandbox. The dry, sandy environment is ideal for the electronic equipment. We’re already drawing up plans to paint it with butterflies or ponies or something, maybe turn it into a maypole. Or slap it on a jungle gym, I dunno.”