Passing Airline Pilot Suddenly Blinded By Hundreds Of Airborne Graduation Caps

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Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一 “OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH… cap?” exclaimed an airline pilot passing over Pacific Grove airspace. As the view through her cockpit window was inexplicably obscured, and the sun was eclipsed by hurtling projectiles, Captain Liv Toff believed it was the end of days. “My reckoning has come at last,” she declared. Dabbing tears from her eyes, she turned to her co-pilot, Landon Gere. “We’ve had a good run.” Gere shook his head, finally whispering, “The class of 2018 is graduating. God help us all.”