PGHS Turns To Test-Only Curriculum


Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一Administration made the controversial decision this weekend to forgo learning entirely, shifting to a test-only curriculum for all subjects. “Students clearly need more testing in their lives,” declared one staff member. “There’s still plenty of free time in between unit exams, the SATs, the ACTs, AP Tests, Smarter Balanced Tests, weekly quizzes, reading checks, and free responses for additional examinations!” More detailed plans are in the works for Scantron questionnaires to be implemented in the bathrooms, #2 Pencil Dispensaries to be stationed in each hallway, and red grading pens to be hung in every classroom to remind students of the inescapable fate that awaits them.

Were you paying attention? There will be a quiz on all Eggplant news stories Monday in class.