Lunchtime Bell Revealed To Be Mr. Bell Releasing Shrill Screech

Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一Investigative reporters from The Eggplant have unearthed a terrible truth. At precisely 12:14, Principal Bell was spotted crouched under his desk, opening his maw and releasing an otherworldly screech that shook the walls and nearly shattered windows. “He channels a hellish power that I can only assume comes from another dimension, unhinges his jaw, and lets loose a piercing cry,” explained a school secretary. “Our school has never owned a bell system,” she continued. “Mr. Bell is much more reliable.”