Retirees Misinterpret Meaning Of Senior Ditch Day

Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

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PEBBLE BEACH, CA一A grisly scene left a group of golfers severely unsettled at the Poppy Hills Golf Course last Friday, as they stumbled upon a pile of septuagenarians writhing in a bunker. “At first I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it,” explains resident golfer Cliff Wellington, 34. “They rolled around in the sand, as if they were trying to burrow deeper into the Earth.” A quick call to their retirement facility, however, saw them safely returned to their rooms. Daisy Johnson, 87, made this statement regarding their course of action to a reporter: “My granddaughter said it was Senior Ditch Day,” she explained. “We just wanted to take part in the festivities.” Thankfully, no one was seriously injured, though a number of walkers and canes were irreparably damaged.