Spring Play “1984” Definitely Not Being Retitled “2017”, So Stop Asking About It

Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一The high school drama department released a late-breaking statement less than a day before their opening night performance this Friday. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again so you people stop pestering me. The title of the spring play, 1984, is and forever will be 1984 and ONLY 1984,” explained an exasperated cast member. “Really, what are you people getting at? The plot is about an administration bolstered by ‘alternative facts’ that creates false narratives, emphasizes empty victories, and plays on the deep-seated fears of a misinformed populace. What’s that got to do with 2017?” The actor elaborated, saying that there was absolutely no mention of Twitter whatsoever in George Orwell’s classic, and that at least Big Brother could articulate complete sentences.