Forlorn “Have A Great Breaker Day!” Echoes Through Abandoned Classrooms

Written by Luke Herzog, Chief Satirist

PACIFIC GROVE, CA一Over this spring break, Lexi Rohrer’s characteristically cheerful daily news bulletins were tinged with sorrow as she dutifully made announcements to a school bereft of students. The intercoms blasted dates for an upcoming softball game as forgotten worksheets spiraled in the breeze like tumbleweeds. Two squirrels arguing over an acorn learned about opportunities for early prom tickets. A startled seagull, interrupted from its preening, was encouraged to become a mathlete. Rohrer concluded the bulletin with an exuberant “Have a great Breaker day,” a single tear rolling down her cheek. No one was present to confirm the validity of this story.