A Grande Opening

A+Grande+Opening

Photo credits to The Fiscal Times

Written by Luke Herzog, Reporter

I was hot on their trail like a hazelnut latte. I intended to find out if the rumors were true, separate fact from fiction. Indeed, our fair McDonald’s, in all of its red and gold Breaker pride, is no more. So who is the new kid on the block? When are they open for business? What do they have against the rejuvenating powers of the Chicken McNugget™?

Mad speculation. Wild accusations. The student body was unrelenting — who is to blame for upsetting the delicate balance of our fast food ecosystem? We can’t keep passing the buck forever, and, luckily enough, I know exactly where the buck stops — Starbucks. I soon realized I had a duty to my peers to end the pandemonium. I was a man on a mission, and a plan was brewing.

My first stop? The Pacific Grove archives. I dove headfirst into the bowels of our city’s Municipal Code, a labyrinth of local law that would give Theseus pause. Keeping with NewsBreaker tradition, I left no stone unturned. I paged through everything from Massage Parlor Regulations to Coin-operated Amusement Devices to Trapping of Domesticated Cats (turns out that’s illegal, by the way). Finally, I located the modest rule that had been the object of my search–

 

Chapter 23.64 GENERAL PROVISIONS AND EXCEPTIONS, Section 23.64.115 Food Service Establishments:

 

“No use permit application shall be accepted, processed or considered for a food service establishment having all of the following characteristics:

(1) It specializes in short order or quick service food service;

(2) It serves food primarily in paper, plastic or other disposable containers;

(3) It delivers food or beverage products in such a manner that customers may remove such food or beverage products from the food service establishment for consumption;

(4) It is a formula food service establishment required by contractual or other arrangements to operate with standardized menus, ingredients, food preparation, architecture, decor, uniforms, or similar standardized features. [Ord. 1999 N.S. § 3, 1995].”

 

So what’s going on here? Clearly there are still a few fast food joints around. What gives? Well you see, dear reader, there is a caveat. Already existing fast food places could stay put, and new fast food places could still replace them. Aha! A loophole almost as wide as the smiles of our corporate overlords. “At the time there were four existing fast-food spots that were allowed to remain. They are now McDonald’s, Subway, Mountain Mike’s and Domino’s,” wrote Carly Mayberry of the Monterey Herald in mid-August. It seems this quad-force of formulaic foodstuffs is seeing a shift in their lineup.

It was late June when the McDonald’s glorious golden arches came metaphorically crashing down, and right now 100 Country Club Gate languishes in a state of limbo. Meanwhile, multiple local coffee shop owners have expressed disapproval regarding how the new Starbucks might affect their businesses.

Little is available regarding the specifics, but this reporter managed to scrounge up some information. A new Starbucks is indeed being implemented. The exact date of opening is unknown as of now. But then I made a stunning discovery — Starbucks would only be occupying two-thirds of the building. What was this madness? Two for one! Fast-food restaurants are multiplying faster than Ms. Richmond, and Ms. Richmond’s got mad skills.

And some questions remain unanswered: Are there any possibilities of student discounts? Many Starbucks establishments like to feature local artwork; will they provide opportunities to hang art created by PGHS students? Stay tuned. We’ll keep you informed as the story develops.